


Turtleduck Pond

by firelord-zuzu-the-jerkbender (fatherlords)



Series: atlaonline events [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, POV Zuko (Avatar), Post-Canon, Reflection, Turtleducks, and his relationship with the turtleduck pond, zuko reflects on his life, zuko thinks about his family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25387477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatherlords/pseuds/firelord-zuzu-the-jerkbender
Summary: Zuko visits the turtleduck pondI do not give permission for my work to appear on any apps nor do I consent to my work being reposted anywhere. If you see my work outside of my tumblr or outside of any blogs/accounts I mention in my fics, please report/contact them or inform me. If you report them, do not report as if it were your own work.My tumblr is @firelord-zuzu-the-jerkbender
Series: atlaonline events [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838638
Kudos: 23





	Turtleduck Pond

**Author's Note:**

> @atlaonline event 01: get to know the members ➢ favorite character: Zuko  
>  _Bad skin? Normal teenagers worry about bad skin. I don't have that luxury. My father decided to teach me a permanent lesson on my face!_

For a while, Zuko had been unable to come here. Sure, he had lots of great childhood memories of the turtleduck pond, but the more time he spent travelling with the avatar- and the more he'd seen Sokka and Katara with their dad, with each other, the way Toph's parents, whilst restricting, seemed to care about their daughter's wellbeing- the more any positive memories burned to gold and crumbled away. It was hard to look at the positives without remembering how desperately he'd clung to them, to the point that they pulled him closer to his family. Every time he gathered the strength to walk away, he missed the good times, missed the rare glimpses of a happy childhood, and he was sucked right back in.

The turtleduck pond was a reason to stay, in the times he couldn't convince himself of any other reason. It was tranquil, open air, a little escape where he felt hidden away. And he'd watch the turtleducks swim for hours, would come back as often as he could, watch as the chicks grew up. He'd try to feed them bread from his palm, but they wouldn't come up to him at first. Azula would feed them by throwing the food at them, so Zuko tried to copy, and that had gotten Zuko bitten and chastised. He felt guilty about it for weeks, stopped visiting. 

When he came back, they were scared of him. Every time he lightly threw the bread into the water, they'd scatter and swim away until he left. It took a while before they stayed as long as they used to. Zuko would talk to them, sometimes vent to them, and they'd sometimes quack as though they were answering. In a way, when Uncle Iroh and his mom wasn't around, it felt like the turtleducks were the only ones who listened to him.

Returning to the turtleduck pond held a painful nostalgia, a deepest rising anxiety telling him to run, that it wasn't safe here. It took him a while to remind himself that when he left the pond, his father wouldn't be waiting for him.

The turtleducklings had all grown in the three years he was away, and now new ducklings swam around, hesitant to swim too close to him. It felt eerie, being here with the knowledge that as soon as Azula came the turtleducks would flee usually, but Azula wouldn't be coming. She wouldn't be coming to throw bread at the chicks, or push Zuko in when she told him that he was safe and she wouldn't. And it felt eerie knowing that when he chose to leave, he wouldn't be desperate for his father's affection, now knowing how cruel Ozai would be, especially when Zuko was late to dinner. It felt melancholy knowing his mother wouldn't be joining him, but she could, one day. She was alive.

He'd been so small when he used to come here often. Of course, he used to think he was grown, mature, but he was just a kid forced to grow up too fast. He remembers the odd feeling that sitting by the turtleduck pond made him an adult, because kids ran around and played tag whilst adults sat around and drank tea. It was absurd, of course, but kid Zuko didn't care. If they treated him like he should be mature, like he shouldn't get into trouble or speak out of turn, whilst also treating him like a child and leaving him out of everything, then he felt like maybe if he acted grown up they'd treat him better for it. 

He wondered what would have happened if he'd been wiser as a child, if he'd accepted his place, if he'd stayed out of that war meeting.

He screwed his eyes shut, focusing on how his scar tightened, how the skin stretched. It didn't hurt now, but the sensation was different. He could feel the tightness around the edges and around his eye, the way the scar tissue was damaged and had lost its elasticity, but often, if he ghosted his fingers across the surface, he felt nothing. The burn had led to him losing some of the sensation on his skin. He ran his fingers across the rough flesh, pressed his palm lightly to it. It almost fit perfectly, so Zuko folded his arms and snapped his eyes open. He shakily lifted his hand, wondering how similar it was to Ozai's hand, if his hand would be just as destructive and permanent. To be hurt by his father's hand was one thing, but to look upon his own hand and wonder what destruction it could cause was another.

He took a shaky breath, and reached the same hand out to the turtleducks, palm full of bread.

Slowly, one of the turtleduck chicks made its way to him, climbing onto his palm and taking the bread. It gave Zuko a small reassurance, that he could use his hands for good, that the turtleducks were always going to be there when he needed them to be. Maybe he wasn't a monster.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic for this fandom aaaa


End file.
